My performance was yesterday and I'm generally very happy with how it went. There were some small errors in some of the tracks but nothing major, and given the overall circumstances it went just about as well as I could have hoped.

The biggest worry on the day came when I woke in the morning in a lot of pain and struggling to move. I later learned an infection had developed in my tailbone, and this made it very uncomfortable to sit down which obviously was an issue given I was playing drums. At first I thought I would be unable to play but the pain eased up over the course of the day and didn't hamper me too much come my actual performance. However it had shaken me earlier in the day, and meant I was unable to hold a last minute rehearsal which I'd been hoping to do, and this could have ironed out some of the mistakes I made and settled my nerves a bit.

Overall I feel the biggest disappointment in my set was using backing tracks for 4 out of the 6 tracks. Although I was still able to showcase my ability on those tracks, I know it would have made for a more entertaining performance had I had a full band for them, and from the feedback I got from the audience and watching back over the tracks themselves I think it's clear the songs I performed with my band were the best in the set.

However, using backing tracks was necessitated by time, financial and geographical constraints. I found it hard this year balancing out work from all my units with work and other commitments outside of my course, and it made it hard to give as much time to putting together the performance as I would have liked. Given where I stay there was also a large cost in travel to and from the college where we practiced, and that made me keen to avoid having to make trips unless I absolutely had to. It also meant it would have been hard for me to free up money to hire professional musicians to fill slots had I opted to do that. On the matter of finding musicians I again found it hard not being native to Edinburgh or the surrounding areas to find people who played the instruments I would have required for some of the tracks. Most of my contacts were based more in the Glasgow direction, and once I had David White and Dechlan Nicholson, both from Edinburgh, committed to doing bass and guitar, I was keen to avoid having musicians from the other side of the country as arranging rehearsals would have been difficult.

In hindsight I'm aware that I could have acted quicker in putting my set together. A few of my tracks were decided later than I would have liked, although this was often due to me being forced to make changes. If I had been settled on a programme earlier I might have been able to commit to finding the required musicians and making it all work.

Nevertheless I'm proud of the work I did personally in playing the tracks I chose. It involved developing a lot of skills and knowledge I hadn't had before such as using a double bass drum pedal, playing in a myriad of odd time signatures which often involved me transcribing parts to understand them better, and researching cymbals and drum set-ups to replicate the sounds made on some of the tracks I chose. A lot of work into it and although in some respects it could have been a more dynamic performance, there a lot of positives I will take from it.

24/5/13 - about 4pm

I think this blog is becoming redundant, cos it's always possible to look back on things you've said on Facebook as an indicator of what was happening in life. And although there's some things I wouldn't say on Facebook, the fact is I'm never going to remember everything that's happened in my life. I think I'm just gonna have to let that go and be happy in the moment. That's all you can do.

And speaking of being happy in the moment, this is a very good moment. The sun's out for once, and at around 2am this morning I handed in my last piece of coursework. What a wonderful feeling. Before that I had my performance on Wednesday. It went well in the end, but it nearly didn't go at all! Woke up with serious pain in my tailbone, could barely move. Turns out I have an infection caused by an ingrown hair or something. Not nice. I powered on through it though and we had a great night. Chris and Ruairidh did great as well. Ruairidh cried a bit at the end of his speech which was quite touching. It's different for him than me, this place has been his life for the past few years, it's gotta be tough saying goodbye after that. He's a talented guy though, there's plenty places he can go in life.

Before all that was the manic rush to finish my project before going to Newcastle for the weekend. I jsut about managed it, and handed my project in shortly after I got back. Wrote about 5000 words on the sight reading process and my work on tuned percussion. Quite proud of what I did. It's hardly groundbreaking but it should get me a decent mark.

Then there was Newcastle itself! We had a good laugh, and I missed it a lot afterward. Went a bit hard the Friday night though and were all feeling rough the Saturday. I stayed out again though, felt I should. How often do I get to get away? It was kinda hard though, I still have that war inside me that tells me I shouldn't be spending all my money and time clubbing and stuff when there are things I want so much more in life. But then you need that sort of camaraderie, and getting away from things gives you perspective. It makes me realise how much I want these other things. I also think I still need to loosen up around the guys a bit. I found that kinda hard cos there's a lot of abuse going back and forward and I'm not good at taking it. I need to remember that I care about those guys though, and not to take what they say to heart. They get on at me in fun, then I get on at them back and forget to just be nice sometimes. I had a great weekend with them and I should remember to appreciate them.

See now I feel like this blog does have a point. I said a lot of things there that I think I'll be glad to look back on. Whether or not I'll keep going though... We'll see. :)

22/4/13 - just before midday.

Facebook, Hotmail, Lumosity, Blogger. Always the same routine when I hit the library computer. Mum and Chris and me are all obsessed with a new Facebook game. 'Criminal Case'. I keep calling it 'Crimescene: Scene of the Crime' haha. That's basically what it is though. You have to find items hidden in crime scenes. It's good fun.

This is also about the only time I choose to blog, so I do worry about it's future after I'm done College. I'm getting close to doing that as well. Only about a month left. Just had our last actual teaching class, portfolio's due in next week. Still a bit of work to do for it. Gonna take a lot of organising. We all just agreed in class that there's been too much work this year, and Scott basically agreed with us. Said he'll change it up next year. Shame he couldn't have done it earlier! I've decided I'm not going to regret this year though. I like that class, and a lot of what I've done here. Even though it's time I moved on in my life, time to be done with education, I've got to appreciate the good times I've had. Drum Corps has been fun, and I've learned a lot again. But it's time to start making my impression on the world.

I've been thinking about how I might do that. There's a lot I want to do. I'm gonna going out and performing wherever I can. Busking too. And I'm going to start vlogging. I think that's where I've always been headed really. People like Alex Day really get me thinking, about the possibilities of online marketing. That's where it's at now, and I think I could be good at it. Just start uploading videos about everything. Loads of covers and stuff. Just show the world who I am. That's what I want to do. Without fear. That's what I'm gonna do.

Chris started his new job at the weekend. Working night shifts at a care home. He found his first shift quite though and he's struggling to get used to the idea of doing it 3 nights a week. Worries about his time, and he's really struggling with his self-esteem when he's there. Intimidated by everyone, feels like he's doing everything wrong. But he needs to learn to deal with this. To be himself. He'll have to power on through, he's got us. I've struggled with jobs in the past I know what it's like. I hope he finds it easier with time.

Was out at the weekend there. Still not drinking. Haven't done so in a month or so. It was alright though. It's just the Woody on a Saturday I struggle with. That'll be the real challenge for sobriety haha. As usual I enjoyed the time after more. She was out, back for the weekend. Didn't see her much on the Friday but ended up offering to give Antonia Rice a lift up the road cos she was pretty drunk, then took her and her sister home. They're a good laugh, and I like talking to them. But whether I'll ever have anything more with her... I doubt it. She doesn't show much interest in doing anything, with anyone really. But it's whether I want to make her interested. Part of me is sure I could do it. But then what do I really want? I ain't settling down anytime soon. But then I've always said if I met a girl I felt could be special I'd make it work. I wouldn't let an opportunity pass me by. We'll see. It's all down to this summer really. After that I'm gone.

You probably laugh and scorn reading these things. Probably sounds well cheesy. It is pretty lame, but then that's who we are, and you shouldn't forget that that's how you felt. You probably have feelings of some sort going on now, and you'd write about them the same way. So shut it.

Anyway I'm off to play a load of games, then maybe get some work done. Maybe. Ciao for now.

7/4/13 - about 11pm

We arrive today in London again for easter, although my easter holiday actually ends today. Apparently my holiday doesn't match mums. Oh well.

Was doing some work for my assignment on 'the online musician'. Looking up Alex Day videos, which got me onto looking up Carrie Hope Fletcher who is another youtube celebrity type person, and also apparently Tom Fletcher's sister. Turns we also saw her a couple weeks ago when the family was on family fortunes. Huh.

Anyway it's all got me thinking about how I should be raising my profile. I ought to do more videos and stuff. Not loads. I don't think I'll ever be a youtube celeb type person, although you may have noticed I've started talking like one. But I want to start uploading more videos anyway, and it couldn't hurt to upload a couple videos where I talk a bit about myself. Maybe. Anyway I'm thinking my thing will be covers. But, like, I'll do LOADS of them. I learn hunners of songs anyway. I should make it a thing that I do, upload a cover a day or something. I've been thinking about that for a while anyway, and there's no reason why it shouldn't be my thing. My problem is I always see other people do things, and then feel like I should do them, when really I should just find my own thing to do. Whatever suits me. Well doing hunners of covers would suit me. Cos I'm good at that. I'm great at taking songs and making them my own, and in doing so I'd improve as a performer, which could be part of the fun. Think I might do that once the degree's over.

On that note I'm about 5 minutes into learning Dance of Eternity. Woo. I've always wanted to learn that tune, and I'm proud that I am. I can just about do it all properly as well. My double bass drum technique is really coming along. Think I'll quickly go blog about that on my performance blog.

Done. Still a bit to go with that but I'm getting somewhere.

Auntie Flori's watching one of her murder documentaries. It's about some guy they named 'The Baseline Rapist', and latterly 'The Baseline Killer'. Dion and me couldn't help but laugh.

Finally, the thing that prompted this blog in the first place. I've written a Facebook status I'm considering posting. It reads thus:

'A couple of nights ago I dreamt that a major supermarket had executed a plan to take over Britain. All those opposed to their regimes became fugitives. Many of them were captured and held in prisons created underneath stores across the country. They were underfed, and infections were spreading among them. Employees were made to guard these prisons and keep prisoners in line. I was one of these employees, but my bosses were suspicious of me. They knew I was sympathetic with the rebels and I was under constant scrutiny. The dream ended with me escaping with a car full of the prisoners, hoping to find a rebel alliance that could protect us.'

True story. Not the actual story, but the fact I dreamt it. It was crazy, and surprisingly real. Ryan still worked in Tesco and wouldn't act against them out of loyalty and fear of losing job security. Grant and his Mum were prisoners. Grant's arm was badly infected ha. I escaped with Paige and 3 other prisoners who I don't remember. Strange times.

1/4/13 - about 13.30

Yes, posts are getting fewer and further between, which is a shame cos I'll probably miss things but as long as I post from time to time I guess the blog's worth something.

It's easter Monday, and I'm not long up - sleeping patterns are a state ha. A combination of being out clubbing on Friday and not getting in til nearly 5, then the clocks going forward the next night. Friday was good though. Didn't drink, and still had a great night. Went to a Rock tribute night - AC/DC tribute, Ozzy tribute, Gallus Cooper and Poizon. Didn't see much of AC/DC, Ozzy were awesome but their bass drum broke half way through the set - gutted! Gallus Cooper were really good again (saw them at the Kiss night in Lanark) but Poizon were a little disappointing. Should have had the Ozzy tribute headlining tbh.

After that we went to the ABC - Propaganda Friday's, forgot how good the music is! First time going to one in Scotland, honestly the best music set I've heard in there, was awesome. Have to take Chris sometime. We're going to see the Lafontaines in a couple weeks so can maybe go after that.

Night before that was open mic at the Crown - Did a couple of my songs and also did my first ever collaboration with Dan. Went well I think, our parents and Linzi's parents came, and Chris was out with a few of his friends. Was a good fun night. :) Dan and Linzi left early though so I ended up crashing at Craig's, then went out for a family lunch at Spoons the next day. It's always nice doing things as a family, and I was glad I went cos it was Erin's birthday party that night and I missed it cos I'd already planned the night.

Anyway, since then just been trying to get back on with College work... Getting toward the end now. List of things needing done:

Digital Musicianship - essay on the online musician, instructional videos with background to notation.

Project - Need to get another meeting with Laurie and start on written part. Maybe do another couple of videos and arrange meeting with tuned percussion teacher.

Performance - Learn songs. Changed the set a week or so back, worked from backing track for Subdivisions and Dance of Eternity which I've had to use to replace Universal Mind. sad to lose that track but getting on alright with Dance, about 2 mins into it. Also got to learn Selkies, and try and get the band playing it - I worry about Dave learning the bass for that but we'll see how it goes. Also a little worried about the double bass pedal stuff for me, been working heavily on it, practising most days and getting faster and more comfortable but still have a way to go for the Selkies stuff.

Teaching - Still got a few more lessons with Mum and Chris and even more with Jamie. Hardly even care what I'm saying in write-ups now, just wanna get it out the way. It's not like I'm gonna fail.

Of course, threatening all that is a renewed addiction to Champ Man. Downloaded the update and went Rangers to promote them up from div 3. It's now nearly 3pm cos they made me semi-pro when I got promoted and I'm trying to figure out how to move it back. Save game editor ain't working. Have to forget about it for now anyway cos I need to get back to work! Catch ye. (Y)

Sunday 17/3/13 - about 3pm

Sitting in the living room at Auntie Flori's - we're all here for the funeral which is tomorrow. There's an occasional air of sadness but generally things are okay. Think tomorrow will help give everyone closure and let us move on. Heading straight back home on tues on so it will be straight back to normality.

Trying to keep work and stuff going but struggling. Feeling totally out of the swing of things, and there's still so much to do. Not letting myself stress about it though. I'll do what I need to do, maybe not much more than that but with any luck I'll get through. Missing out on double bass pedal practise which isn't good - been keeping up consistent practice in the hope I can get up to speed for my performance in a couple months. I'll keep up some hand practice on my pad though and spend some time learning the songs. That'll have to do. Also trying to keep up my diet and work outs but that's proving quite hard with everything going on and not being sure of food times. We're only here a couple days though, so I'll just take measures to make sure when we come back over Easter I'll be better prepared to keep everything going.

Had a gig on Friday at the ICE band night which was good fun. Had a few people there to see me - Dan and Linzi (Linzi was singing with Kerry and Gemma Mac too), Chris, Craig, Kiwi, Marc, Scorgie and Gemma and Trolley boy Mark (text if I was out, let him know what was happening ha - why not?). Ske didn't want to attend anything ICE or Kerry related. Fair enough really. I had a good night anyway, and a decent gig. Did a cover of Many of Horror by Biffy and forgot my words at one point which wasn't cool. Wasn't the words I had trouble with really, wasn't confident with the chords, and was focusing too much on remembering them.

Watched beat Swansea 2-0 away yesterday. Good game for us. It's been an awful season though. Still a few points behind Chelsea and Spurs in 3rd and 4th, need them to slip up. Went out the Champs League to Bayern, losing 3-1 at home then winning 2-0 away and going out on away goals. Frustrating. Just not playing consistently up to our potential.

Mentioned the other day that I'd had a brief stint on Champ Man, turned out to be a bit more than that. Continued with my Rangers game, won the Champs League and stuff which was cool. Got a quality team. Then started a new game with Arsenal which was probably a mistake. Don't know if I'll keep playing it or not, there's a part of me wanting to but I really should be getting on with work.

About to go and get started on my project written piece. Still not entirely sure of what I should be doing for it but gonna go with the stuff Laurie's talked to me about to do with sight reading on tuned percussion. Also took some videos of me playing grade 3 pieces, in the process of uploading them. Will be glad when this is all over. (I know I've said that a million times...)

12/3/13 - 10.45am

So I can feel this blog slowly dying. It's a shame, I think it's a great idea, I just don't find myself coming on much to post. This seems to be the only time I do - after drum lessons on Tues morning I come into the Library and fire up Facebook, Hotmail (which has just changed to Outlook. Weird.), Lumosity (which I go on every day pretty much. Not sure if it really helps my brain at all but I think it's good fun. Mostly. I still scream at it from time to time like I do most games...) and Blogger. Not sure why, it's just become a habit cos I've been posting for college stuff as well.

Drum lesson was alright today. Talked about the snare piece we're working on, a reel called 'Pretty Marion'. It's another Duthart piece (we're also doing his fanfare in drum corps). It's a nice piece, I'm taking time getting to grips with it. I can play everything just about, it's just the phrasing, I need to learn to understand the feel better. We talked a bit about this, then he asked me to play and I made an arse of it cos I was too self-conscious but I talked about this afterward. We talked about my performance programme too. We performed our sample last week - Sound of Muzak and half of Schism - and I think it went alright. Rich told me he'd like to see more of me in the music, which I get. This is what got me talking about being self-conscious. I need to put my stamp on things more and not be afraid to. I think doing the Higher Diploma down south kinda beat that out of me a bit, but this is my programme, so it has to be my performance, not a copy of everyone else's.

Right now I've got an Ari Hoenig video on in the background. Rich sent me it, said there's a bit about doing your own thing. It's always interesting to hear other people's experiences in music, everyone does things so differently and learns in their own way. This is why I know there's nothing wrong with doing things my way. The hard part is doing things my way when there are other musician's there. Like when I've been at jam nights. As a drummer I've got to be able to lead dynamically and believe what I play is good. How you getting on with that?

He's talking now about how he chose not to get a degree. Studied for 3 and a half years, but only did it to learn. Didn't see a degree as any sort of accomplishment. That's refreshing, and also very true. I've said enough time that being at College is a bit of a waste of time, but I'm doing it for mum and dad really, which funnily is what he's saying now. They have the attitude like 'I'm sending you to college, I want to see a degree'. I get that, to an extent. But the way I see it they sent me to college so I can get a career, and if I do that they shouldn't be worried about getting a degree. But then if a degree is perceived to be an accomplishment maybe that gives it validation.

Just been messaging Kerry, she's invited me to play at the second ICE band night on Friday at Images. Really looking forward to that. Probably be the biggest crowd I've played to! Gonna do at least 3 of my own - 'Show What Love Is', '24 Hour Drive Thru' and 'The First Step'. Probably leave it at that. Think I'm gonna 'The A Team' cos it should go down well. Also considering doing One Direction haha. Not sure how that would go down. I'll see what the vibes are on the night and go with it. Should be good.

Last couple days saw me rekindle an obsession with Champ Man - took Rangers to the Champs League semis in my third season, won back to back domestic trebles - then lose it again, all in one weekend ha. Not sure how I feel about that. Undoubtedly lost some time to my brief stint on it, but then it's good to have had some fun with it that didn't last too long. Last time I playing I thought that was forever. But I reckon I'll always be playing that game, or at least some game. Maybe one day I'll eventually get a new Football Manager haha.

Anyway, I could talk shite all day, but I need to get out of here and god eat something. Weight gain diet still in full effect! Not seeing huge results yet but it's gonna be a long slog. Wonder if you're still doing it? Maybe it became part of your life? Or maybe you gave up haha. I made pasta last night, was quite proud of myself for that. With mum being away all week I've been doing a lot more cooking. Got the burns to prove it ha! Still, it's good experience for me.

Anyway, aye, going. What I really ought to do is come on more often and say less. But I probably won't...