OMG BTW. Fucking Christmas day. Had a good haul this year. Mapex MPX Steel Snare. Really loving it. Went and had a practise and I'm not sure whether it was the new snare (I think that will have helped, it's in much better shape than my old one!), or just the fact I hadn't played in a couple of days (I always find that I improve more in the time I don't play than the time I do... Have you figured out if that makes sense yet?), but anyway I had an amazing practise. Just seemed to be pulling shit off. Played along with Sound of Muzak and just felt a whole load more comfortable. It's a good feeling.
Aside from that I got CDs (completed my Taylor Swift and Owl City collection ha!), clothes (cool new jacket from Dan and Linzi, cool t-shirt from them too that apparently only cost about £1, socks and boxers - much overdue! Boxers were also from Dan and Linzi and are funky and colourful which is great - been meaning to get more colourful underwear haha), drum sticks as per, 'Funkifying the Clave' - looking forward to getting into that! Anything else?... Genesis book - another Dan poundland gift. I doubt I'll cover-to-cover it but I'll def give some of it a read.
It's been a good day. Quite empty though without a family get-together. Missed seeing Ally and Linzi and Auntie Anne and Uncle James but they had to spend time with Anne's mum given recent events. Still got to see Papa, Uncle Richard, Rae and Sophie, and Uncle Robert who was there during the day and that was nice. Tuned Sophie's new guitar for her ha. Really hope she does grow up musical. I'd be happy to give her lessons - would make me feel better about the amount of money they gave us this year! Andy and Lou came up this evening. It's nice seeing them for a while but I don't like having company for long spells and they do tend to stay a while. I like getting on with things. There's always stuff to do. Practise etc. I'm sure you'd still agree. You should work your ass off but never try too hard right?
Speaking of which I'm gonna have to get back to doing college work. Nearly finished that essay on minimalism. Wanted it done by Christmas but never mind. Will def be done by new year. That's another subject in itself. Don't know what we're doing for it yet, starting to look like it'll be Lanark or possibly Livi if we sort that out soon. I don't mind either way. I've never actually spent New Year out in Lanark so I'd be up for it really. Marc isn't, but as long as we're all together that's what matters. Kind of have this feeling we might end up not being though. We'll see. There's another reason why Lanark could be alright but I never feel like I can really talk about that here in case this does end up getting read by other people. Still with a little prod I wonder if you can think back to what your situation was regarding girls around now. I wonder how that's turned out? Probably shite. Still have that feeling that I wasn't made to get girls or for relationships. Things just don't seem to work out for me.
Anyway, I've digressed. Back to the present. Gonna get these assignments done and out the way asap, then likewise with the rest of the degree. I just wanna get out and play, write songs and perform and try and get somewhere. It's all I wanna do right now and although my voice is totally gone right now - sore throat! - I think's it's improving cos I'm practising constantly, and I don't wanna stop. I also think my songwriting could be worth something. I get a lot of ideas, just don't get the time to develop them, and I wish I did. I really feel like if I had the chance to take some time to just write and play I could get somewhere. I guess we'll see. For now, let's get this (rather pointless) degree out the way.
Tuesday, 25 December 2012
Monday, 17 December 2012
18/12/12 - about 1am
I've not done as much tonight as I'd have liked - a typical problem with evenings in the house for me, particularly when Football's on TV. Arsenal beat Readin 5-2 though which is good. Santi Cazorla got me 3 goals and an assist for my FF team. Even better. Wish I'd made him my captain ha!
Chris just text me from his room. Telling me I must be a good brother for putting up with his shit ha. I told him I give more than my fair share, which is true. I feel for him when he does that though. He often feels guilt late at night for having said or done things. We all do. He gets angry a lot, and then if I try to tell him not to and he gets angrier... I wish he'd think about this then. He doesn't want to get angry but he gives in to it far too easily. I want him to be stronger. That's why I get on at him about things. Mum too sometimes. They can try harder. I'm always trying. Maybe too hard, but it's better than not. This brings me nicely onto the main point of this post.
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person_p2/
I just read that article. Pete Milne posted it on Facebook. I don't agree with all of it, but it has a lot of great points.
"Throw enough hours of repetition at it and you can get sort of good at anything".
"People quite because it takes too long to see results, because they can't figure out that the process IS the result."
Those two quotes hit me hardest I think. They're the ones I posted as a comment in reply to it anyway. I didn't agree with everything the article said; there was a little too much focus on achievement being the be all end all - it referenced the speech from Glengarry Glen Ross a lot which has some fair points in it, but is basically a boss giving a load of employees a bollocking for lack of success, not striving to sell, and pointing out his own successes, and how expensive his watch is. Well, we all know how I feel about salesmanship! It also demeaned what we feel inside a little - yes, for the most part unless you act on your feelings they mean nothing. But then having good feelings and doing nothing with them is better than having bad ones and acting on them. There's still plenty to be said for getting by without causing harm to anyone.
But nevertheless it's right in a lot of what it says. We have life, we might as well make the most of it. Contribute to the world in some way. As I've always said 'it's not what you can do, it's what you do do'. A lost of the lyrics from my song 'The First Step' also rang out in my mind as I read it. (On P2 there's a picture of a guy struggling to get up out of bed with the caption 'Step 1: Get Up'!). I'd never really thought of it exactly as they put it all though, like we have a duty to contribute to society. All I think when I think of that is that most people are probably too scared to try and contribute in a big way. I know I have been. But why should I be? it's basically what I've been trying to tell myself for years - that what I'm doing, trying to better myself, trying to do SOMETHING, is the right thing to do. And is that really what women want to see in guys? Probably, tbh. And what do I offer? Well I immediately wrote this:
I'm intelligent, particularly good with numbers
I play drums
I play guitar
I write songs
I'm just alright at everything though really
I can touch type
I'm philosophical - I'm not just a nice guy for the sake of it, I know WHY I'm a nice guy. why it's important. I don't believe in corporate bullshit or doing things because other people tell you to do it or being nice cos it'll get me somewhere; I'm nice because I want to be, and because I know that with understanding and compromise we can make the world better and life much, much easier.
And is THAT what women want? Well why not? My problem is I struggle to get across who I really am, but that's probably cos I try too hard. No, it IS because I try to hard. In fact NO! What I get across is that I try too hard, and that's because that is who I am. But that's not what I want to be. I want to be laid back. The best part of me is laid back. I want to be confident - ditto. But I still want them to know that I'm a good person. But there we are again - wanting them to know things about me. The more you want, the more you try and the more they see you trying. Stop trying. Keep doing.
But aside from that, I'm happy with where I'm headed. Or where I've got to so far anyway. This post isn't really making much sense I don't think, or maybe it is. Maybe you'll get what I'm trying to say better than me. All I know is that article hit me. And I don't want to forget it. I want to keep striving to achieve. I can do plenty, so like I said, I should keep doing.
So, will I move back to London and become a successful singer/songwriter? Part of me really wants to. But I've been feeling again lately that I'll find it hard to leave things behind. I don't want to be missing the guys again, and my family... But I have to do what I want in life. Achieve what I can achieve. And part of me really thinks I could achieve. But focus is my problem. Will I ever commit to doing something like that? I think it's about time I did. After all I've been playing drums for years, and I love it and would like to do it in a professional capacity, but the fact is I've never liked the though of that being all I do. So I'm gonna have to try and do more. And if the worst comes to the worst and all I ever do is teach drums, at least I've still contributed.
Chris just text me from his room. Telling me I must be a good brother for putting up with his shit ha. I told him I give more than my fair share, which is true. I feel for him when he does that though. He often feels guilt late at night for having said or done things. We all do. He gets angry a lot, and then if I try to tell him not to and he gets angrier... I wish he'd think about this then. He doesn't want to get angry but he gives in to it far too easily. I want him to be stronger. That's why I get on at him about things. Mum too sometimes. They can try harder. I'm always trying. Maybe too hard, but it's better than not. This brings me nicely onto the main point of this post.
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person_p2/
I just read that article. Pete Milne posted it on Facebook. I don't agree with all of it, but it has a lot of great points.
"Throw enough hours of repetition at it and you can get sort of good at anything".
"People quite because it takes too long to see results, because they can't figure out that the process IS the result."
Those two quotes hit me hardest I think. They're the ones I posted as a comment in reply to it anyway. I didn't agree with everything the article said; there was a little too much focus on achievement being the be all end all - it referenced the speech from Glengarry Glen Ross a lot which has some fair points in it, but is basically a boss giving a load of employees a bollocking for lack of success, not striving to sell, and pointing out his own successes, and how expensive his watch is. Well, we all know how I feel about salesmanship! It also demeaned what we feel inside a little - yes, for the most part unless you act on your feelings they mean nothing. But then having good feelings and doing nothing with them is better than having bad ones and acting on them. There's still plenty to be said for getting by without causing harm to anyone.
But nevertheless it's right in a lot of what it says. We have life, we might as well make the most of it. Contribute to the world in some way. As I've always said 'it's not what you can do, it's what you do do'. A lost of the lyrics from my song 'The First Step' also rang out in my mind as I read it. (On P2 there's a picture of a guy struggling to get up out of bed with the caption 'Step 1: Get Up'!). I'd never really thought of it exactly as they put it all though, like we have a duty to contribute to society. All I think when I think of that is that most people are probably too scared to try and contribute in a big way. I know I have been. But why should I be? it's basically what I've been trying to tell myself for years - that what I'm doing, trying to better myself, trying to do SOMETHING, is the right thing to do. And is that really what women want to see in guys? Probably, tbh. And what do I offer? Well I immediately wrote this:
I'm intelligent, particularly good with numbers
I play drums
I play guitar
I write songs
I'm just alright at everything though really
I can touch type
I'm philosophical - I'm not just a nice guy for the sake of it, I know WHY I'm a nice guy. why it's important. I don't believe in corporate bullshit or doing things because other people tell you to do it or being nice cos it'll get me somewhere; I'm nice because I want to be, and because I know that with understanding and compromise we can make the world better and life much, much easier.
And is THAT what women want? Well why not? My problem is I struggle to get across who I really am, but that's probably cos I try too hard. No, it IS because I try to hard. In fact NO! What I get across is that I try too hard, and that's because that is who I am. But that's not what I want to be. I want to be laid back. The best part of me is laid back. I want to be confident - ditto. But I still want them to know that I'm a good person. But there we are again - wanting them to know things about me. The more you want, the more you try and the more they see you trying. Stop trying. Keep doing.
But aside from that, I'm happy with where I'm headed. Or where I've got to so far anyway. This post isn't really making much sense I don't think, or maybe it is. Maybe you'll get what I'm trying to say better than me. All I know is that article hit me. And I don't want to forget it. I want to keep striving to achieve. I can do plenty, so like I said, I should keep doing.
So, will I move back to London and become a successful singer/songwriter? Part of me really wants to. But I've been feeling again lately that I'll find it hard to leave things behind. I don't want to be missing the guys again, and my family... But I have to do what I want in life. Achieve what I can achieve. And part of me really thinks I could achieve. But focus is my problem. Will I ever commit to doing something like that? I think it's about time I did. After all I've been playing drums for years, and I love it and would like to do it in a professional capacity, but the fact is I've never liked the though of that being all I do. So I'm gonna have to try and do more. And if the worst comes to the worst and all I ever do is teach drums, at least I've still contributed.
Sunday, 16 December 2012
16/12/2012 - 23.00
It's fair to say I've neglected this blog the last few days. It's hard keeping up with it. It shouldn't be, and wouldn't be for most, but I've got terrible long term focus and that's pretty much all that's on my mind atm. I flit from one long term focus to the next - just in the past 7 months since I've moved back I've had learning to play piano better, learning songs and busking, improving marching snare, going out and getting drunk 3 times a week (yes, I consider it a commitment - that's how I treated it), playing football regularly (twice), working on my upper body, and most recently poker, and refurbishing my snare drum. That's on top of all the things I have to do for college, the key ones being learning to play tuned percussion and sight read, which I'm not committing to well at all, and learning pieces for performance programme. And of course I can add songwriting to that first list cos it comes and goes constantly. I also had a spell of wanting to And improving my voice. Right now I want to work on them more than anything but cos I'm forcing myself to keep on with my college work I've barely been doing it at all. I've got a backed up log of ideas and half written songs that I'll probably never get round to finishing. It's probably time I sat down and decided exactly what I want and started leaving other things to rest. I decided recently that asking 'why not' is the best response to anything, but I think there's times where it's important to ask why.
I had the poker Christmas special today at the Falla household. Second year in a row I've done it. Played two games and finished somewhere in the middle in both. £30 down the shitter. Why do I play? I'm not sure. I feel like I need to be part of that community. Ryan always makes me feel like I should be, and now I'm sortof a part of it I feel like I need to commit to it fully. But I'm never really comfortable there, and I get so annoyed at myself for that. I'm never just myself. And I find that hard to take because if I were ever to be an artist I would need to know exactly who I was and be that way all the time. There's no point being a 'lad' just cos I feel it's necessary. I don't care what people think of me. I don't care if I'm a big softie and I do gay things. I HAVE TO BE WHO I AM. Until I get that sorted there's no point trying to anything.
I was gonna end things there but I've realised that this blog will have to cover the last few days which, as I'm sure you'll have noticed, includes my birthday. My 24th birthday... Ugh. I joke about no longer being a 'hot prospect for the future', but part of me really feels that way. 23 is the last age I see as being young. A student age. Now I'm 24 and I really, really ought to be going somewhere. But then I've always been behind in that respect. My formative years weren't formative enough. No one realised it but while I was quietly getting on with school work mentally I wasn't progressing at all.
But I digress. The birthday itself was alright. Good really, but with a bit of a mix of emotions. This was, of course, the pub crawl year as I'm sure you'll remember it. We hit every pub in Lanark, which I'm proud to have done, and got very drunk which was not a surprise. Had a great night really. Spewed in the Woody which was a bit gutting but hey, it happens. I don't care about that sort of shit, but no one else lets you forget it. McPhail made sure to post a picture on FB of me crashing out on the Woodpecker bar. I'm past caring though. It seems that people always look to make a joke out of me, but maybe I just imagine it. Maybe that's how everyone's treated. Obliviousness is key in getting on in this world, and it's something I don't have unfortunately - once again held back by what intelligence I have. Maybe if I stop thinking so much and keep doing I'll stop caring what people are saying about as much. Who knows.
I had the poker Christmas special today at the Falla household. Second year in a row I've done it. Played two games and finished somewhere in the middle in both. £30 down the shitter. Why do I play? I'm not sure. I feel like I need to be part of that community. Ryan always makes me feel like I should be, and now I'm sortof a part of it I feel like I need to commit to it fully. But I'm never really comfortable there, and I get so annoyed at myself for that. I'm never just myself. And I find that hard to take because if I were ever to be an artist I would need to know exactly who I was and be that way all the time. There's no point being a 'lad' just cos I feel it's necessary. I don't care what people think of me. I don't care if I'm a big softie and I do gay things. I HAVE TO BE WHO I AM. Until I get that sorted there's no point trying to anything.
I was gonna end things there but I've realised that this blog will have to cover the last few days which, as I'm sure you'll have noticed, includes my birthday. My 24th birthday... Ugh. I joke about no longer being a 'hot prospect for the future', but part of me really feels that way. 23 is the last age I see as being young. A student age. Now I'm 24 and I really, really ought to be going somewhere. But then I've always been behind in that respect. My formative years weren't formative enough. No one realised it but while I was quietly getting on with school work mentally I wasn't progressing at all.
But I digress. The birthday itself was alright. Good really, but with a bit of a mix of emotions. This was, of course, the pub crawl year as I'm sure you'll remember it. We hit every pub in Lanark, which I'm proud to have done, and got very drunk which was not a surprise. Had a great night really. Spewed in the Woody which was a bit gutting but hey, it happens. I don't care about that sort of shit, but no one else lets you forget it. McPhail made sure to post a picture on FB of me crashing out on the Woodpecker bar. I'm past caring though. It seems that people always look to make a joke out of me, but maybe I just imagine it. Maybe that's how everyone's treated. Obliviousness is key in getting on in this world, and it's something I don't have unfortunately - once again held back by what intelligence I have. Maybe if I stop thinking so much and keep doing I'll stop caring what people are saying about as much. Who knows.
Sunday, 9 December 2012
9/12/12 - about 5.30
It's Sunday. West Ham are currently beating Liverpool 2-1 at Upton Park and I'm egging on Kevin Nolan to score so I can get some FF points. Season started well but is slowly going downhill. Fellaini and Michu are the main culprits. I kept not subbing them in adamant they'd stop scoring. They haven't ha. I did finally sub Michu in this week though and he scored twice - now top scorer this season with 12. And he cost Swansea 2mil. Unbelievable.
Anyway my reason for posting is to talk about the weekend past. I got asked last Tues by Dale to play in a Stars In Their Eyes show in Douglas. It went really well in the end, I love being part of the house band. Being in the band pit is a great feeling, it's something I'd like to do more of in the future. It was a charity event so I was happy to do it for nothing but they gave £40 in the end which was great. It was a good experience. We only had one rehearsal on the Thursday and we pulled it together quite quickly and I'm generally happy with how I did. Did my job with no real fuss and they were happy with me. Met some cool people as well, jammed with a guitar and Dale on keys backstage which was cool. Was good to catch up with Dale as well, he's a good guy, and loves getting involved in these things. I can see he's gonna become a pillar of the community in a place like Douglas - he was involved in a Panto right before this show, then was doing another kids show after. He's a great keys player as well, and although I'd heard at school he wasn't great a reading music he seemed to be doing a fine job during the show.
Aside from that there's not much to say. Gonna do the pub quiz tonight for the first time in a while. Didn't get asked to play football today which sucks - I'm getting badly out of shape. Also sent out the invite for my birthday which is on Friday - gonna go to inn on the loch for food then a massive pub crawl. Gonna be epic. Aiming to hit EVERY pub in town so we'll see how that goes. Ally (Stewart) was giving Ryan and Scorge a lot of smack talk last night about how he's gonna out-drink them. Thankfully for him Scorge can't make it til later but not doubt Ske will take up the challenge! I'm just looking forward to a good night.
Anyway, dinner's ready (Sunday roast!) so I'm aff. Catch ye. (Y)
Anyway my reason for posting is to talk about the weekend past. I got asked last Tues by Dale to play in a Stars In Their Eyes show in Douglas. It went really well in the end, I love being part of the house band. Being in the band pit is a great feeling, it's something I'd like to do more of in the future. It was a charity event so I was happy to do it for nothing but they gave £40 in the end which was great. It was a good experience. We only had one rehearsal on the Thursday and we pulled it together quite quickly and I'm generally happy with how I did. Did my job with no real fuss and they were happy with me. Met some cool people as well, jammed with a guitar and Dale on keys backstage which was cool. Was good to catch up with Dale as well, he's a good guy, and loves getting involved in these things. I can see he's gonna become a pillar of the community in a place like Douglas - he was involved in a Panto right before this show, then was doing another kids show after. He's a great keys player as well, and although I'd heard at school he wasn't great a reading music he seemed to be doing a fine job during the show.
Aside from that there's not much to say. Gonna do the pub quiz tonight for the first time in a while. Didn't get asked to play football today which sucks - I'm getting badly out of shape. Also sent out the invite for my birthday which is on Friday - gonna go to inn on the loch for food then a massive pub crawl. Gonna be epic. Aiming to hit EVERY pub in town so we'll see how that goes. Ally (Stewart) was giving Ryan and Scorge a lot of smack talk last night about how he's gonna out-drink them. Thankfully for him Scorge can't make it til later but not doubt Ske will take up the challenge! I'm just looking forward to a good night.
Anyway, dinner's ready (Sunday roast!) so I'm aff. Catch ye. (Y)
Tuesday, 4 December 2012
5-12-12 - 1.30am
I think this may actually be my first late night/early morning post thus far, which is strange given my penchant for late nights. You'll know all about that. I doubt very much that you've changed in that respect! Night time's just better isn't it?
I'm able to touch type now. This is a source of comfort to me. It seems to take me a while but once I embark on learning a skill I do eventually master it. The next stop for me is to become a better singer, and performer, and songwriter I guess although I already like a lot of what I write. I'm currently in the middle of writing '24 Hour Drive Thru' which I think has the potential to be a damn good bursting-with-energy kind of song. You'll know better of course, but if it doesn't come to anything I think you should revisit it - it definitely has potential.
This brings me to my point of the moment - once again my ability to take on a bit too much. It's not all my fault this time really though. College work is mounting up and although I'm halfway through my history essay I'm also gonna have a piece to write soon for ethics, a case study for law, and I've got to start my lessons soon for teaching as well as my presentation for the same class (the workload for which just takes the piss). This of course is on top of my performance programme, which I played a couple of songs from for Rich today and have been asked to do work on before next week, and my project which isn't getting the time it needs as it is. Then on top of ALL THAT, I got a message from Dale today asking me to play in a Star in their Eyes type thing in Douglas. Of course I said yes, cos it'll be good fun - it's all Christmas songs and stuff and I've just went through them all and they shouldn't pose too much of a problem (although the hits in 'Baby It's Cold Outside' are a bit annoying). But that means I'll be rehearsing on Thurs night (no poker this week...) and playing the show Fri and Sat nights (night out after? We'll see). It's probably a commitment too many really, but I fancy doing something fun like that, I haven't played drums in public in literally months (since Milk Bar times) and you never know, it could lead to something.
So basically I'm rambling about not having much time, thus of course using up even more time. Classic Dave. I should probably get some sleep. Busy day tomorrow (on top of ALL THAT!!). Going to do some Christmas shopping before drum corps, then ethics, then gonna go see a film myself like a proper loner. Silver Linings Playbook does look good, and with Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Tucker in it I can't really go wrong! (I made the point to Chris earlier that the two biggest actors in it are Bradley Cooper and Robert Di Nero yet I'm going to see it for the others ha! I do love Bradley though. And Di Nero.) So it should be a good day but of course leaves me not getting much done again. I'll have to do some practice on Thurs before rehearsal in Douglas, both on my programme and project work, and try and get first lesson plans done for teaching by next week. Really can't be bothered with teaching much... Have a feeling I'll end up fabricating stuff for it, but I'll try not to.
Toodles.
Monday, 3 December 2012
3/12/12 - about 12.15
So I haven't posted in about a week, which means I'm gonna have to try and remember all that's gone on over the past week that's been of note. First I'll focus on the present - it snowed last night and used the snowfall as an excuse not to go to college. Bad Dave. Yes, I really should have gone, but then I only had one class - teaching class - and it would have meant driving in and back so I've at least saved some time and money on that. The other reason for going would have been to continue this essay on minimalism so now I'm tasked with trying to get as much done at home as I would have then - probably not gonna happen. Thankfully Chris has taken Josh out for a run, so I'm not having to work through his whining, poor lad. I do love that dog but I gotta crack on with work. After this post that is.
I had an interesting experience last night, not unlike the one you'll be having now. I went on my Twitter account which I haven't used in years (everyone seems to be getting in to it now) and was surprised to find I'd apparently made 141 tweets in my time. I didn't believe this cos I don't remember ever having really used Twitter, but it turns out I did, I think sometime between Bebo and Facebook. The posts were awful though. Most of them were aimed at (@) Claire (boo) and it was a total cringe. I hope you aren't thinking the same now! Probably are tbh. Ah well. I still like to think I've grown since then. Back then everything I wrote I wrote for other people, for image or whatever. Now what I write I write for me. Like this blog. Even if you're the only person that does ever read it that's good enough for me. That's how it should be really. It's for me and no one else.
So right now I'm listening to 'U Smile' by Justin Bieber. Apparently someone took the track and slowed it right down and pointed out the minimalist elements to it - that'll be going in the essay ha.
Other than that I got right into this series of I'm A Celebrity; it finished on Sat there. Charlie Brooks won but I thought Ashley from Pussy Cat Dolls deserved it a bit more. I know, I watch a load of shite. You probably do too!
Sat night was quite a big one for me in some ways. It was just a typical night out really, chatted to Dan in Spoons (he filled me in on all the scandal surrounding Laura Mooney and Johnny Cab ha), met the guys in Maisies then went to the Woody. Turns out there's such thing as 'December Licensing' which allows all pubs to be open til 1 - that was news to me. Course it meant the guys ditched me in the Woody to go back to Maisies - Ryan went cos he winched the barmaid last week and Marc followed suit cos that's what he does. I stayed and chatted to Kim and Rachel then Gav and Paul for a bit. It was a good night.
Anyway somewhere in between I came to a realisation. The sort I always knew deep down but hadn't really felt. All the things I want here - to spend time with my family and friends, to teach locally, to start a function band or whatever - these are all things I can do anytime. I could come back when I'm 30 and still do these things. But if I really want to make it as a singer-songwriter - and I do, as much as I find it hard to admit to others - then the time to act is now. Once I'm done with this degree I'm thinking I'm gonna go back to London. Most of what I want right now is there. Ryan said he's come with me but I doubt that'll happen. He's miss it too much here. But we'll see. I need to stop being afraid to admit what I want from the world. It's not gonna make a difference if I tell people I'm a singer-songwriter. If I write songs and sing them that's what I am. And that's what I want to be too. I mean, I'm different to a lot of singer-songwriters. I'm into a lot of different music, and being a drummer I've studied a lot of things irrelevant to that side of things but maybe that's a good thing. It could help give me identity, and that's important. Who knows what form my music will have taken if I spent a few years just playing? It may start out with just me on guitar but it could go anywhere from there in a place like London. One thing's for sure, it's about me from here. If I join a band playing someone else's music that's gonna play second fiddle and they're gonna know it. Cos Void Pleasantries, Coney, The Milk Bar - when I look at it none of them were doing anything I can't do myself. And yeah, my drumming helped them along cos I'm good at what I do, but musically I'm gonna do what I want to do.
Anyway I'm getting back to work. Other things to remember? Ally came round yesterday and we had another Take Me Out day ha. Always a laugh. Apparently he's broken up with Gillian though which is gutting. I like Gillian a lot but oh well. If it's meant to be it's meant to be. And I have a feeling it is but I could be wrong. You'll know won't you? Ha.
I had an interesting experience last night, not unlike the one you'll be having now. I went on my Twitter account which I haven't used in years (everyone seems to be getting in to it now) and was surprised to find I'd apparently made 141 tweets in my time. I didn't believe this cos I don't remember ever having really used Twitter, but it turns out I did, I think sometime between Bebo and Facebook. The posts were awful though. Most of them were aimed at (@) Claire (boo) and it was a total cringe. I hope you aren't thinking the same now! Probably are tbh. Ah well. I still like to think I've grown since then. Back then everything I wrote I wrote for other people, for image or whatever. Now what I write I write for me. Like this blog. Even if you're the only person that does ever read it that's good enough for me. That's how it should be really. It's for me and no one else.
So right now I'm listening to 'U Smile' by Justin Bieber. Apparently someone took the track and slowed it right down and pointed out the minimalist elements to it - that'll be going in the essay ha.
Other than that I got right into this series of I'm A Celebrity; it finished on Sat there. Charlie Brooks won but I thought Ashley from Pussy Cat Dolls deserved it a bit more. I know, I watch a load of shite. You probably do too!
Sat night was quite a big one for me in some ways. It was just a typical night out really, chatted to Dan in Spoons (he filled me in on all the scandal surrounding Laura Mooney and Johnny Cab ha), met the guys in Maisies then went to the Woody. Turns out there's such thing as 'December Licensing' which allows all pubs to be open til 1 - that was news to me. Course it meant the guys ditched me in the Woody to go back to Maisies - Ryan went cos he winched the barmaid last week and Marc followed suit cos that's what he does. I stayed and chatted to Kim and Rachel then Gav and Paul for a bit. It was a good night.
Anyway somewhere in between I came to a realisation. The sort I always knew deep down but hadn't really felt. All the things I want here - to spend time with my family and friends, to teach locally, to start a function band or whatever - these are all things I can do anytime. I could come back when I'm 30 and still do these things. But if I really want to make it as a singer-songwriter - and I do, as much as I find it hard to admit to others - then the time to act is now. Once I'm done with this degree I'm thinking I'm gonna go back to London. Most of what I want right now is there. Ryan said he's come with me but I doubt that'll happen. He's miss it too much here. But we'll see. I need to stop being afraid to admit what I want from the world. It's not gonna make a difference if I tell people I'm a singer-songwriter. If I write songs and sing them that's what I am. And that's what I want to be too. I mean, I'm different to a lot of singer-songwriters. I'm into a lot of different music, and being a drummer I've studied a lot of things irrelevant to that side of things but maybe that's a good thing. It could help give me identity, and that's important. Who knows what form my music will have taken if I spent a few years just playing? It may start out with just me on guitar but it could go anywhere from there in a place like London. One thing's for sure, it's about me from here. If I join a band playing someone else's music that's gonna play second fiddle and they're gonna know it. Cos Void Pleasantries, Coney, The Milk Bar - when I look at it none of them were doing anything I can't do myself. And yeah, my drumming helped them along cos I'm good at what I do, but musically I'm gonna do what I want to do.
Anyway I'm getting back to work. Other things to remember? Ally came round yesterday and we had another Take Me Out day ha. Always a laugh. Apparently he's broken up with Gillian though which is gutting. I like Gillian a lot but oh well. If it's meant to be it's meant to be. And I have a feeling it is but I could be wrong. You'll know won't you? Ha.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)