At night that is. Obviously. I don't do mornings unless I absolutely have to. Tomorrow unfortunately is one of those days... First day back at College. I think anyway. I'm assuming we have Instrumental Teaching first thing. If we don't and I go in for nothing I will RAGE. or RAJ. That seems to be more popular these days.
I've been trying to get on with Instrumental Teaching. Can't really be arsed but I had my first lessons with mum and Chris last week, done the write-ups for them and I've planned a second lesson. Then I've gotta start Jamie's, hopefully will this week... With the essays I'm doing alright, basically finished 20th Century History and Ethics, started Law but got a bit stuck. Think I know where I'm going next though. Will try and get on with it tomorrow. Yep, can't wait til this year's over.
Don't even know what I'll do when it is mind you. For a while I was sure I'd go back down to London, now I'm stuck in between. I've already got students here (those lessons start up again this week as well, but at least I get paid for those :)), and I could probably get more, and maybe if I really tried I could get out and perform round here, try and make a name for myself. Ultimately though if I really wanted that London's the place I'd have to go, at least eventually. So I'd be as well doing it now. Depends if I can find work down there though... Guess we'll just have to see. Who knows what'll happen between now and then. We'll get this College year out the way and see what's happening.
Don't really have much to say atm tbh. (Nice... 2 abbrevs at once ;)) Got something on my mind, don't know where I'm gonna go with it though. Went out last night for Leanne's 21st, it was an alright night. She had a good time which is what matters. But then someone wasn't there and that messed things up for me a bit. Still had a good night in the end though, although again I'm feeling like clubbing's not really my thing. I'll probably keep on doing it though.
But on the matter... I'm not sure what I'm gonna with that. Wait even longer til I get a chance to ask her? That might not be til she's been away and back again. Could be talking months. Or text her and try and get something happening before then. I didn't want to have to do things by text but if I want to act now I'd have to. Who knows. We'll see how I feel tomorrow.
It's funny, I know you'll be reading this (actually will you? Will anyone?) and thinking I sound like an idiot. I probably do. But as quick as you are to put people down for sounding like this you gotta remember that's how they felt. That's how I feel. And no, actually I hope you've learned, as I'm learning, that there's nothing wrong with feeling how you feel. Had an interesting chat with the guys last night after we got back from Glasgow. Just Ske and Marc that is. Chatting at the bus stop Ryan was saying how Marc had said a couple of years back that the only person you really have to please in life is yourself. And they don't mean it in a selfish way, more like 'you don't have to justify your actions to anyone but yourself'. And that's an interesting point. Cos I know fine well I feel I have to justify my actions to anyone and everyone, even though no one actually cares. Maybe I should just start acting on how I feel more often. Maybe people will like me for it if I'm open and honest about who I am and what I want. It could probably benefit me in a lot of ways. Even though I felt like a fool at the start if I'd been open and honest with said girl at the start I'd probably have had a better chance than I do.
And actually that's the other thing I was gonna say - you'll be reading this knowing how things work out with the girl. Makes me feel stupid talking about her ha. But maybe you'll be wishing things had turned out better. I certainly have a feeling I'll be feeling like that at the end of it. Can't see it turning out how I'd like. But maybe it will. Even when I tell myself I've got no hope there's always a part of me that can't help but have hope. Maybe it's right to. I'll give a shot if I can anyway. You can decide if I was right to haha.
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